if I walk behind you

if I walk behind you, by Jes Fernie presents an exchange of the first-person narrative, as the artist relinquishes and then reclaims her own voice through presentation. The text was developed through a series of conversations and reading exchanges with independent writer and curator Jes Fernie over several months, in response to U & I, an immersive installation for Eastside Projects, 2023. It has been presented as a publication, audio recording, film with the text superimposed on a loop of sky footage, and as a live performance.

When presented as a film it intentionally used the same sky footage as a previous work Some Times, 2021, to speak to the diaristic nature of the narrative and the need at times to work with what’s close to hand. Both works are reflections on my lived experience of working as an artist whilst caring for and home educating my children, which can feel claustrophobic and isolating. The repetition of daily chores is referenced in the reusing of this footage.

As Jes writes,

if I try to comprehend, or even think about, the relationship between my brain and my mind, I am dumbfounded. I want to outsource the work to another brain, to ensure a non-partisan approach, one that recognises that my involvement would sully the observations. I want to come closer to an understanding of ‘the self’, in order to move towards a place where I can begin to see how my self interacts with your self.

Follow the link below to watch a conversation with Jes, recorded in conjunction with U & I, Eastside Projects, 2023

if I walk behind you, by Jes Fernie

Natasha MacVoy reading if I walk behind you, by Jes Fernie

Jes Fernie & Natasha MacVoy in conversation, Eastside Projects

Image shows a gallery space with wooden floor, glass doors and white walls. On the left is a wall mounted ceramic, in the centre two ceramic hoops hang one on top of the other and to the right is a monitor showing a blue sky with light clouds and turquoise writing imposed over the top. — Photo: Dom Moore

Image shows a screenshot of a blue sky with light clouds. Turquoise writing is imposed over the top, which reads, if I walk behind you and try to imagine what it feels like to move like you, listen and think like you, can I become closer to you, protect you, pave the way for you?

Image shows a screenshot of a blue sky with light clouds. Turquoise writing is imposed over the top, which reads, if I sit cross-legged on the ground, I am able to pay more attention and focus on what matters. I feel a sense of defiance - the same,

Image shows a screenshot of a blue sky with light clouds. Turquoise writing is imposed over the top, which reads, I imagine, as that of students and small children who use all that is available to them, the physical reality of their bodies, to make a claim, decry a situation, state a desire.